Don't Marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without.

The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she
knows that the average man can see much better than he can think.

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
-Mark Twain 


Buick Riveras and white Volvos are aphodisiacs. -Steve Suchy

Some men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house. 
Other men kiss their house goodbye when they leave their wife.

I got a gun for my wife. Best trade I ever made. 

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't
like and just give her a house. -Rod Stewart

Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their
time on you.

Half of all marriages end in divorce. That's not as bad as it sounds.
The other half end in death.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, a
good cook, and great in bed. But the law allows only one wife.

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the
house.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage,
the 'Y' becomes silent.

In my house I am king, and my law is that whatever my wife says shall 
be done.

How is marriage like a hot bath? ... Once you get used to it, it's not 
so hot.

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much 
fraternizing with the enemy. -Henry Kissinger

When a girl says "No" she really means "Yes", but not with you.

If a man tells a woman she's beautiful she'll overlook most of his
other lies.

The average woman prefers beauty over brains because the average man
can see better than he can think. 

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual
arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz
380SL. -Lynn Lavner

No one worth possessing can be quite possessed. -Sara Teasdale

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he
was God, and I didn't.

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than
electronic banking. It's called marriage. -James Holt McGavran

Statistics show that married men live longer than single men, but they
are more willing to die. -David S. Goldberg

Success in marriage is much more than finding the right person; it is
a matter of being the right person.

It's not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Love is a
substitute for chocolate. Chocolate is, let's face it, far more
reliable than a man. -Miranda Ingram