Supporting your teenager’s growing independence And Successfully

Achieving independence is an essential part of your child’s journey to adulthood. To make this journey successfully, children need freedom to try new things. But they still need your guidance and support too. Here are some ideas to help you and your child find the right balance.

Supporting your child’s journey towards independence

To become a capable adult, your child must learn to:

• depend on you less and take on more responsibility
• make decisions and solve problems
• work out life values
• form her own identity.

But it’s common for parents and teenagers to disagree about independence – how much a young person should have and when. It’s natural to worry that if you give your child too much independence too early, your child might get involved in risky behaviour. And it’s normal to want to keep your child safe.

But your child needs to make some mistakes, to explore and have new experiences. This will help him learn life’s lessons and continue to shape his brain’s development.

Striking a balance between your child’s needs and your own concerns is often a matter of maintaining a positive relationship with your child, as well as a healthy family environment. How your child develops independence, and how you guide this process, will be influenced by your family’s cultural background and beliefs.

Being aware that your child might be working hard to balance expectations of family members with expectations of friends is a good place to start the balancing act.

Teenagers are still working themselves out. They don’t always know who they are. You and your child are both learning how to balance growing independence with parental guidance. Go easy on yourselves if things aren’t perfect all the time.

Raising independent teenagers: some tips

Show your child lots of love and support
Your love and support are essential for your child’s self-esteem. Young people who feel good about themselves often have more confidence to discover who they are and what they want to do with their lives.
Your child might not always want physical affection from you. But you can show your love and support by:

• taking a genuine interest in your child’s interests, hobbies and friends
• making time to listen when your child needs to talk
• giving your child space and privacy
• regularly saying, ‘I love you’.

Respect your child’s feelings and opinionsTry to tune into your child’s feelings. It might help to remember that your child could be confused and upset by the physical, social and emotional changes of adolescence – but you’re still your child’s main source of emotional guidance and stability during this time.

Taking your child’s opinions seriously gives an important boost to her self-esteem. But be prepared for the fact that her views might differ from yours. You can use this situation as a chance to talk about how people often have different perspectives.

Talking about your own opinions and feelings calmly can also help to keep the lines of communication open, and model positive ways of relating to others.

Establish clear and fair family rules
Stating clear family rules about behaviour, communication and socialising will help your child understand where the limits are and what you expect. Rules will also help you be consistent in how you treat your child. Once the rules are in place, apply them consistently.

As children get older, they can make more of a contribution to the rules and the consequences for breaking them. Involving your children in developing rules helps them to understand and take on the principles behind them. Every family has different rules. You can talk with your child about this and explain that his friends might have different rules, or a different number of rules.

If you set the limits too strictly, your child might not have enough room to grow and try new experiences. This period is a learning curve for both of you. Be prepared for some trial and error.